


Wavering

by silentexplorer18



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blood, But not like intense porn, Chair Sex, Cross-Posted on Tumblr, F/M, Feelings, Hand Jobs, Insecurity, Kissing, Minor Injuries, Painful Sex, Pent-up emotions, Porn with Feelings, Reader-Insert, Riding, Safeword Use, Smut, Spit As Lube, Vaginal Sex, and it isn't related to sex, but just a mention of blood, but the safeword is listened to, it's all good, with feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:15:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28210758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silentexplorer18/pseuds/silentexplorer18
Summary: “Sit down,” you sighed, gesturing to one of the kitchen chairs.  “Let’s get you cleaned up.”For once, he did so without complaint.Something wasreallywrong.Or the story in which Feitan's strong exterior finally wavers, and you do your best to pick up the pieces.
Relationships: Feitan (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader
Kudos: 73





	Wavering

**Author's Note:**

> If you didn't catch it from the tags, this is my attempt at smut with feelings. I don't typically write smut, but that's where this fic decided it wanted to go!

He’d been in a mood before you’d even stepped foot in the house. Something had gone wrong, evident from his foul temperament and the dark bruise forming on his left shoulder. Something had gone  _ very  _ wrong.

Dazed and pent-up, he pounced on you as soon as you’d stepped through the door, teeth gnashing against your lip, hands scrabbling through your clothes, not that you’d liked the shirt anyway.

Although reactions like this were few and far between—Feitan was typically so composed—you accepted his physical demands with few objections. He would never _really_ hurt you, even in his most feral moments where you could practically taste the power of his aura.

But something was wrong.

His thrusts burned against your body, causing your eyes to water in pain. He’d barely touched you before entering, pressing a vibrator to your clit as he shoved inside without preamble.

It hurt. So much.

Hips snapping rapidly, his fast, sharp thrusts set an agonizing pace against your sensitive skin. Violet eyes remained on the place your sexes met, hand remaining on your hip rather than wandering up your body.

The entire interaction was so unlike him. And it  _ hurt _ .

Words had been lost on your tongue when he started, pain overwhelming your senses, tumbling into the forefront of your mind. However, the longer it went on, the worse it felt, spurring you to find your voice.

“Fei…” you gasped, feeling a few tears finally escape the corners of your stinging eyes. “White!”

He instantly froze, eyes finally finding your face. The buzzing from the vibrator filled the room, an unpleasant hum as he seemed to really  _ see _ you for the first time that night. He was still buried inside you.

“I’m sorry,” you breathed, hand reaching down to push the vibrator away. “I need a minute. It really hurts.”

His expression soured, and your heart jolted at the disgust turning his features. He’d never looked at _you_ that way before. It must have been a really bad day.

The vibrator thunked as it landed on the bed beside you, and Feitan pulled out a moment later, swiftly turning on his heel and exiting the room. It was then you realized he hadn’t even taken off his pants to fuck you, so desperate to let out his pent-up energy.

You just needed a minute.

But that minute came and went.

After what felt like an eternity, you stood on unsteady legs, sliding a soft, silky house robe over your shoulders. He’d stolen it for you years ago, and every time it touched your skin, it made your heart flutter.

However, you couldn’t dwell on that, not when the sound of a crash echoed down the hall a moment later. Something was very wrong.

Still, all you could sense was Feitan’s aura, so powerful it made the hair on your skin prickle. 

You were safe. You were alone. It was just Fei.

There was coffee on the floor, a deep, rich color speckled with blooms of crimson. The mug was shattered, resting in a crumbling pile directly under his hand—his  _ bleeding  _ hand. His face was still pinched with irritation, even as he merely stared at the ceramic shards below his dripping palm.

“Fei?” you asked softly, stepping into the room. His eyes shot up to you again, expression deeply upset, though he tried to mask it with his usual irritation.

“You buy stupid cup again.”

All your dishware was stupid to him, but only because it all was breakable. This wasn’t the first nor the last mug of yours that would ever be shattered by his vice-like grip. “I’m sorry,” you murmured, navigating over the rubble. “There aren’t any stores that sell dishware for people with superhuman strength.” He tsked, but the deep pinch in his eyebrows remained.

Your eyes traced the bloody expanse of his hand, noting the fragments embedded into the skin. It looked painful, though he’d never admit it even if it was. Physically, he’d always been a pillar of strength.

“Sit down,” you sighed, gesturing to one of the kitchen chairs. “Let’s get you cleaned up.”

For once, he did so without complaint.

Something was  _ really  _ wrong.

The two of you sat in front of one another, practically knee to knee, as you picked the ceramic shards from his outstretched palm. You cradled his hand gently as you did so, moving from cleaning to bandaging. “Fei?” you asked softly, still focusing on the cuts on his palm. He made a sound, barely audible, but enough for you to know he was listening. So you took a breath, eyes darting up to his face. “What’s wrong?”

As you finished wrapping his hand, he sighed, face twisting back into one of disgust. But with his words, you realized the emotion was pointed inwards. “I no do things right today.”

You moved to his lap, fingertips tentatively resting on the sharp jut of his collarbone. “We all have bad days.”

The sound he made was one of annoyance, and his eyes narrowed, looking for a way to explain. “I do bad job today. I… regret—” he coughed, turning away as much as he could.

It was then that you watched him waver, brows pinching and eyes shutting as though he was trying and failing to hold back emotions he’d spent so long avoiding. He’d always been the best. He  _ had _ to be the best or else he’d lose everything. But recently, Feitan had been slipping—making foolish errors, misjudging things. Just like today, just like with you.

“What does it make you feel,” you whispered, arms moving up his shoulders a little, fingers rubbing the smooth skin there, “when you have bad days?”

“I—” your heart quivered at his tone, voice laced so heavily with emotion. He  _ wouldn’t  _ cry, but his body  _ wanted  _ to, eyes sharp and stony as he attempted to keep himself together. “I no deserve Spiders anymore… I no deserve you.”

“No,” you breathed, lurching forward against his chest before you could think. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, a steady pressure as you held him. “Fei,  _ no _ .” He sat frozen, still against your body, before his resolve crumbled, tumbling out of his grasp. His face tucked into your neck, breath faltering. “You haven’t messed anything up with me.”

He tsked, and you pushed away from him, hands finding the soft skin on his cheeks. “You  _ haven’t _ .”

His eyes darted from you, skittering toward the hall you’d come from earlier. “I hurt you.”

Pressing on his cheeks, you eventually got him to look at you again, dipping in to kiss the deep lines between his eyebrows. “You were just a little eager today. It doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be with you.”

But for every push forward, he’d push back at you, stubborn to the core. “Not same. Deserve different than want.”

You hummed, standing from his lap. Although he didn’t realize it, you knew how to circumvent his stubbornness. “That’s true.” There was a swish of fabric as you untied the sash, letting the robe slip from your shoulders and pool around your feet. “Maybe I should tell you exactly what you deserve,” you whispered, a hand slipping down to massage against your clit.

Feitan blinked as though he had been imagining the entire encounter. You were so beautiful. Even sitting in front of you seemed bittersweet; he’d  _ stolen  _ your heart, but he certainly didn’t  _ deserve  _ it.

Stepping forward, you palmed him through his pants, pleased to feel how quickly his body was reacting with want. “Will you take the rest off?” you whispered, gasping as your fingers increased pressure on your clit.

Surprisingly, he did as you requested, curious about your plan. You’d always let him be in charge, especially when nights together were broken up by his travels. Yet something in your expression told him that you weren’t planning on letting him take control. He waited without a word.

The hand that wasn’t toying with yourself raised to your lips, catching your spit. It wasn’t the most ideal lube, but it would work for your immediate purposes, at least until something more natural would kick in.

Swiftly, your hand squeezed around Feitan’s shaft, feeling the way his hips stuttered slightly against the chair. Your touch was so much better than his own, even if he still wasn’t entirely used to it. Fist starting a slow, sensual rhythm, you stayed bent, eyes focusing on the flushed tip of his cock that would occasionally peek from your hand.

“You no say I deserve this,” he grunted out a few moments later, lips parted.

You smiled to yourself, hand leaving him. “You’re right.”

Before he could argue, you slipped onto his lap, pressing close. Folds sliding against the side of his shaft, you ground against him, lips settling by his ear.

“You deserve a hug for every day you spent alone,” you breathed, feeling his body go rigid underneath you. Rhythmically, you continued to grind, body growing slicker with every movement. It wouldn’t take much longer to be ready for him.

“You deserve a kiss for every second you spent training.” You pressed a slow kiss to the skin beside his ear, shivering when his hands trailed your sides. “And you deserve warm meals for every night you went hungry.”

His grip on you tightened. In your eyes, the struggles he faced made him worthy of something better. But was that really true? Could he really believe that  _ he  _ could somehow be deserving of you?

“You deserve a comfortable place to stay for all the nights you had nowhere to go.” Your hand slid down his chest, reaching between the pair of you. Slowly, you lowered yourself onto the tip of his cock, a gasp matching his muffled grunt. Beginning to roll your hips, you continued whispering. “You deserve respect for your loyalty to the Troupe... for your loyalty to me. And you deserve kindness… mmmn... You deserve kindness for every insult that’s been sent your way.”

He trembled under you, eyes wide and scared. Did he really deserve those things? Were you being honest? You’d never lied before, but could you  _ really  _ think he was  _ worthy  _ of all those good things?

His hands slid to your hips, moving to help you bounce on his cock, but you stopped him, hands catching his and pulling them back to your sides.

Your hips rocked against his lap, slipping his cock even deeper inside you. “Let me take care of you,” you whispered, arms slung gently around his shoulders, chest pressed against his equally bare one. “You aren’t alone anymore. Please, just let me take care of you.”

He groaned, somehow pulling you closer still. His face nestled into the crook of your neck as your hips bounced against him. Take care of him? He’d never heard those words before in his life. But when they came from your lips, Feitan was sure his knees would’ve given out. His arms wrapped around you even tighter, groaning into your neck.

He felt exposed, heart as naked for you as his body. But he didn’t hate it, not with you panting against his ear, little whines of his name barely falling from your lips.

You were his. You wanted  _ him _ . And you were  _ his _ . Despite everything, despite the fuckups, despite the messes he’d made in his life, you still  _ wanted  _ him.

“Ah— You’re so good,” you whimpered, nearly moaning at the way he gripped your sides tighter.

His head moved from your neck so quickly you almost missed the warm flush of his cheeks, the wide, open look in his eyes, before his lips crashed into yours. Unlike before, the kiss wasn’t a clash of teeth and tongues; there was no stinging bite in the gesture. It was firm, desperate as his lips moved against yours. Your hands slid against his scalp, feeling him tremble at the gesture. He was so open for you, so out of control in a way that was completely foreign to him.

Groaning, his lips parted from yours, a shaking breath fluttering against your jaw. He hoped you knew. He hoped you understood.

And when you smiled, he knew you did.

“I love you, too, Feitan,” you whispered, watching the way his eyes swam with warmth and relief and want. Then, it was you that tumbled back toward his lips, gasping out as his hips rolled up to meet yours in gentle thrusts. “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I hope everybody's doing well and making it through the end of 2020 okay!
> 
> I've had a horrible headache all week, but I'm finally able to look at my laptop again without my brain melting, so yay! I wrote several fic fragments this week on my trusty notepad, so hopefully I'll figure out where those want to go and get them finished soon. I've also been working on a HxH rewrite that I'm super excited about. It'll probably take quite a while before it's done enough to start posting, but I'm really enjoying writing it so far. :)
> 
> In other news (since I haven't spoken to real people in what feels like forever lol), I'm attempting to draw a manga as a gift to a relative of mine. I don't imagine it'll be very good, but I'm _attempting_. And, honestly, all I can say is that I respect Yoshihiro Togashi even more than I already did because oh my goodness is it hard. I haven't even started detailed drawings yet, but planning out all the panels and where everything goes has been so, so difficult. I also have the artistic capability of a teaspoon when it comes to drawing people lol. But that's been occupying a large portion of my time, so hopefully I'll actually have something semi-decent when I'm finished.
> 
> Anyway, I hope everyone is doing well. I'll probably be back soon with another fic, though it probably won't be anything as raunchy as the above lol. Take care of yourselves!


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